I Done Bought Me a House!

Now, don't judge a book by its cover. Slap a fresh coat of paint on that sucker and we're good to go! The interior is just a matter of clearing out the pigeon shit and the possum babies, though we're thinking we might just adopt them for pets. Would keep the coon dogs good and exercised, and they're getting a little draggy with all this city living, if you know what I'm saying.

The kitchen has indoor plumbing, y'all! We just need to buy some pipes cause the scavengers already been through here for all the copper in the place. T'ain't no snakes in the tolet (it is an outhouse, y'all! So cute with that little crescent moon and everything! It's like my own little house, behind the big house!), I know cause I just dangled one of them possum babies down there to check and nothing came raring up. So I'll pee easier tonight. I've named the spiders Octopussy, Heptopussy, Sextopussy (that's my favorite!), Quintopussy, Quartopussy, Triptopussy, Duopussy, and Monopussy. They've all got eight eyes and most of 'em got eight legs.

But the best thing about it is all we've got to do is hook the mobile home up to the tractor and tow it on out here! Moving's no trouble y'all, I don't know what all the bitching and moaning is about!

Come on down-- we got a guest room and everthang!

All this, with a British accent!

Creepy, hilarious, philanthropic... what more could you ask for in a video?

My apologies to avid followers of cuteoverload.

Who says there's no "Porn" in Inspiration?

So, as most of you know (if indeed there's anyone out there at all), I'm writing a book called "Stories are the Dreams of Lesser Gods." Yes, it's a long title. Yes, it's actually a sentence. Okay. Thanks for the input. 

What I love about this manuscript, which is a collection of short pieces that are loosely connected, is that I can write about anything I want-- usually some sort of metamorphosized human being-- a boy with one wing, a man who becomes music, an inventor who only invents things that have already been invented, etcetera. There's a lot of freedom, and when I get bored, I can start a new piece or go edit an old one. Sort of ideal. 

Most of my inspiration, such as it is, seems to come from misreading things. This had always been an irritation before-- I frequently mix up the end words of two lines from a book. So for instance, "The man in black walked down the dark street/ Hoping that no one would be playing stairway to heaven" might be read as "The man in black walked down the dark heaven" (Totally pulled this out of my ass, by the way.) 

Another way I end up wanting to write a piece is when I hear a line that I like. My friend Jericho Brown and I were discussing church recently, and I was imitating the people who sing or pray with one hand in the air. Jericho Brown made some comment about "One Handed Praisers" and I knew right then that'd be a title. 

But the purpose of this post was my most recent piece, inspired by... porn. And most specifically, the legal message that comes before porn, reassuring us all that everyone's over the age of 18-- I saw the lines "Keeper of Records" and had to stop the porn and turn on MS Word. 

Gee. Thanks Porn.