Evil Plans...

So I'm teaching Creative Writing this fall. Although technically only a graduate student, I will have 18 young, malleable minds under my sole tutelage. And herein lies the problem.

Imagine you're trying to defuse a bomb with 18 other people, all working by committee, and (best case scenario) only you and maybe 2 others know what you're doing. You can see that by simply cutting the blue wire the problem will be fixed. But most everyone else is sure they're the ONLY ones who really understand the way the bomb works, and they're all shouting "RED! RED! RED!" The ones who haven't a clue feel like saying something is better than saying nothing, so some of them chant "RED!" and some of them chant "BLUE!" And you're beginning to feel like it'd be better if the bomb just went the fuck off. Worse case scenario: no one knows how to diffuse the bomb.

Have a headache yet? 18 is too many students for a writing workshop.

In the classes I've taught before, biology and philosophy, I could use grades as an intimidation tactic. I'd scare people off by telling them the average really is a C in my class, but Brown, Douch-bag University Numero Uno, has made the class pass/fail (at least they don't call it pass/no-pass like they do at Berkeley!). So I've just lost all my leverage, essentially. Which means it's going to have to come down to pure theatricality.

So I'm coming up with various and sundry ways to scare them off. I think I'll wear some pleather and introduce myself as Mistress Kathryn. A whip would probably be overkill, don't you think?

                                        Rrrrrow.


Then again, the wrong people will probably be the ones who stay.

Any ideas? The more outlandish the better. I'm desperate, people.

                                                                                 Bomb image by C. Julian 'jez' Klewes